Have you ever noticed that sometimes the thing you’ve been wanting turns up just after you’ve stopped looking for it? It can be a new opportunity, meeting someone who unexpectedly opens a door for you, or simply having an idea that suddenly makes you think, “Why didn’t I think of that before?” I have always found those moments fascinating. They can feel a little bit magical, although I’m sure there is usually something much more practical going on underneath. Perhaps part of it is simply creating space for something new to show up.
I’ve been thinking about this quite a lot lately because I’ve been clearing out my mother’s house in the USA, as well as going through my own possessions after my divorce. There is something quite strange about sorting through the belongings of people and periods from your past. You pick something up and immediately remember where you bought it, who gave it to you, or what was happening in your life at the time. Then there are all the other things that aren’t particularly sentimental at all, but you’ve somehow managed to carry them from one house to another for years.
Why? Usually because you haven’t made a decision about them. I’ve got plenty of those things.
Going through all of this has made me think about the Law of Attraction and the idea that perhaps we need to start creating space for the things we want to attract into our lives. We tend to concentrate on the attracting part. We picture the new relationship, imagine ourselves in the perfect job, dream about the house we’d love to live in, or think about the next adventure we’d like to have. All of that is fine, but I’ve started wondering about something else: if the thing you want actually arrives, where are you going to put it?
Sometimes that’s a very literal question. If you want a beautiful new dining table but your old dining table is still sitting there, you’re going to have to do something with the old one first. But I think we do the same thing with our lives. We hang on to old relationships, old commitments, old ideas about ourselves, and old expectations about how things are supposed to turn out. Then we wonder why there doesn’t seem to be much room for anything new.
One of my favorite decluttering ideas comes from The Minimalists. They call it “Spontaneous Combustion,” and I have to say, I think it’s a much more fun way to think about decluttering than standing in front of a cupboard asking yourself whether something “sparks joy.”
The idea is very simple. Pick up an object you’re not sure about and imagine that it suddenly combusts. Poof! It’s gone.
Now ask yourself: would you replace it?
I love this because it gets around the problem of talking yourself into keeping things. If you ask yourself whether you like something, the answer might well be yes. If you ask whether you’d actually spend money to replace it, the answer can be very different.
I have a rather good example of this because I have a lot of teacups. And when I say a lot, I mean a lot. I like beautiful china; I like finding unusual cups when I’m out shopping. I have cups that belonged to my mother and cups I’ve collected myself. So if I pick one up and ask, “Does this spark joy?” the answer is going to be yes. Obviously, that’s why I bought it.
But imagine one of them suddenly disappeared. Would I go out and find exactly the same cup and buy another one? Probably not.
I tried this when I was going through my collection, and it was quite revealing. There were a few cups that I had been reluctant to part with, but when I used the Spontaneous Combustion test, I realized I probably wouldn’t replace them if they were gone. So a few went.
Don’t get too excited. I still have plenty of teacups. But it did make me think about the difference between appreciating something and feeling that you have to keep it forever. Sometimes we hang on to things simply because we’ve always had them. And I think we can do exactly the same thing with other parts of our lives. Creating space doesn’t necessarily mean getting rid of everything. Sometimes it simply means being honest about what still deserves a place.
I’ve seen this with clients too. One client, Johanna, came to me because she felt stuck. Nothing was particularly wrong with her life, which was almost the problem. She had a good job, a comfortable home, and a busy social life. From the outside, she had a perfectly good life, but she had this persistent feeling that something else was waiting for her.
When we talked about what she wanted, she actually had quite a long list. She wanted to travel more, get back to a creative interest she’d given up years ago, and, eventually, do work that felt more meaningful. The problem was that whenever something came along that might have taken her in one of those directions, she found a reason not to do it.
It took us a while to get to what was really going on. She wasn’t waiting for the right opportunity. She was waiting to feel completely certain before she did anything different. I think a lot of us do that.
For Johanna, creating space meant taking some things away instead of trying to add another thing to her already busy life. She stopped automatically accepting every invitation. She gave up a couple of commitments that had gradually become more of a chore than something she enjoyed, and she deliberately kept some evenings free.
Nothing dramatic happened overnight. But having that extra space meant she started painting again, something she’d loved when she was younger. Through the people she met as she became involved in that world again, she eventually heard about a part-time opportunity doing live modeling.
Was the opportunity caused by decluttering her calendar? No, I don’t think so. But if she’d continued filling every spare minute with the same old things, she probably wouldn’t have met those people or heard about the opportunity in the first place.
That’s the bit I find interesting. We often think that attracting something new means adding more. We sign up for another course, go to another networking event, make another contact, buy another book. We’re very good at adding things to our lives. Sometimes creating space is actually about taking something away.
What are you doing simply because you’ve always done it? What are you saying yes to when you’d really rather say no? Is there something you’ve outgrown but are still carrying along with you because letting it go feels uncomfortable? And what would happen if you had a little more empty space?
We can be very attached to how we think things should happen. We have a picture in our heads of the perfect job, the perfect partner, the perfect house, the perfect next chapter. And when something comes along that doesn’t match the picture, we don’t necessarily recognize it as an opportunity. We dismiss it because it isn’t what we were looking for.
This is one of the reasons I find the Law of Attraction interesting. I’m not necessarily talking about sitting on the sofa and asking the universe to deliver everything on your wish list. For me, there is something more subtle going on: What we believe affects what we notice.
If you have convinced yourself that all the good jobs have already gone, you probably won’t pay much attention when an unusual opportunity comes along. If you believe that everyone worthwhile is already in a relationship, you might not be very open to meeting someone new. And if you’ve decided you’re too old to start again, you may never find out what might have happened if you’d simply given something a try.
Sometimes the thing taking up all the space isn’t an object or a person. It’s a belief. And those can be surprisingly difficult to get rid of. Creating space in your mind can be every bit as important as clearing out a cupboard, particularly when an old belief has quietly been making decisions for you for years.
I’m not writing about this from some perfectly organized, minimalist life where I’ve already got everything sorted out. Quite the opposite. I’m in the middle of a huge clear-out myself. After selling the big family home, I’m moving into a three-bedroom flat near the seafront in England. I’ve accumulated an enormous amount of furniture and possessions over the years, and I’ve had to make some fairly ruthless decisions about what is coming with me. Some things have been easy to get rid of. Others have been much harder.
When you’re dealing with family belongings, you’re not just looking at an object. Sometimes you’re looking at a whole period of your life. There are things that belonged to our family home that I don’t particularly need, but letting them go still feels emotional. I’ve had to remind myself that keeping an object isn’t the same thing as keeping the memory.
So here’s my challenge for you. Find something in your house that you haven’t used for years. Pick it up and imagine that it suddenly disappears. Poof. It’s gone. Would you replace it?
If the answer is no, perhaps that’s your sign. You could sell it on eBay or Facebook Marketplace, put those clothes that don’t fit on Vinted, or simply donate the thing to someone who will actually use it.
And once you’ve tried it with a few physical things, try it on your calendar. Look at one of your commitments and imagine that it disappeared tomorrow. Would you put it back? Would you immediately sign up for the same thing again, or would you secretly feel relieved? Creating space in your calendar can give you room to say yes when something better comes along.
Then try it with something less tangible. Think about an old belief you’ve carried around for years. If someone offered you that belief today, would you take it? Or have you simply been carrying it because it’s familiar?
You can do the same with an old goal. Is it still something you genuinely want, or is it something you decided you wanted ten or twenty years ago and have never stopped to reconsider?
I’m not suggesting we should clear everything out and live in an empty box. Some things are worth keeping. Some commitments matter. And some memories deserve a place in our homes and our lives. The point isn’t to have less. It’s to make a little more room for what actually matters now. Creating space isn’t about having less. It’s about making a little more room for what actually matters now.
So have a look around your home, your calendar and, perhaps most importantly, your mind. What’s still taking up space simply because you’ve never stopped to ask whether it belongs there anymore?
Try the Spontaneous Combustion test. Imagine it disappearing. Poof. And then see what happens. I’m certainly curious to find out what I’m going to attract now that I’ve got rid of so much.
Although I’m drawing the line at the teacups.
