One of the exciting things about dating is discovering and sharing stories that reveal who you are with. Most people like talking about themselves as well. In long term relationships, you may assume that you know your partner and stop asking the relationship questions that could bring you closer together. So the next time you are on a date with your mate, here are some good relationship questions to ask each other. One question might be enough for a whole evening.
Remember to use “Tell me…” instead of asking a question when speaking to a man. This is because, in general, men prefer statements to questions. Why is this? In our culture men have been raised to “be right” and women have been raised to “be nice”. As a result, women feel completely comfortable with questions. You can ask a woman questions all day long. Conversely, men feel they have to get the answer right, as if it is a test of some sort. So, men often feel on the defensive when asked a question.
By phrasing your question as a statement, you may find the men in your life are more willing to talk and open up. One of my clients was frustrated when she asked her teenage boys how their day at school went and would get a one-word grunt, “Fine.” She was amazed that simply that by saying, “Tell me about your day,” they proceeded to discuss the events at school. Try avoiding questions and see what happens.
These are excellent relationship questions to ask when dating and trying to find out more about your potential mate. Also, you can use these topics to reconnect with a partner that has drifted away. We change, grow and develop throughout our lives. So the person you married isn’t going to be the same person many years later. Their desires, goals and wants may have shifted.
1. Tell me what are you proud of having accomplished in your life (or this past year). (For example, think about the challenges overcome in childhood, personal or work goals achieved, victories, friendships you’ve made.)
2. Tell me about the most challenging or difficult time in your life. How has that changed you?
3. What significant goals do you want to accomplish in the future? Do you want to leave a legacy of some sort?
4. Who is your model for having a great marriage? Why do some marriages work and others don’t? Discuss successful marriages/couples and the worst examples of bad marriages. How do we compare to them?
5. Tell me what did your parents do to show you they loved you. Were they affectionate with you and each other? In what ways does this affect you now?
6. What words, actions or gestures make you feel most loved (or cherished, appreciated…fill in your partner’s biggest need here)?
And of course, most couples expect their partner to satisfy their personal and emotional needs. What are your partners top four needs? How does he or she like them to be satisfied? What do you need to be your best in a relationship? What specific things can your partner do to satisfy your needs? Before you marry someone, you should find out what you need and expect emotionally from your partner. It’s a fallacy to assume that your mate should intuitively know what you need simply because he loves you. There are over 100 different personal and emotional needs. It is likely that your needs are different from your partner’s needs.
Although we unconsciously expect our mate to fulfil our emotional needs, you run the risk of driving your loved ones away if you are too needy. If you want to attract better people and opportunities effortlessly, get your needs fulfilled first from friends and family. Any unmet or unfulfilled need could drive away the people you most want to attract. We instinctively sense neediness and run from it! Conversely, when our own personal and emotional needs are fulfilled, we come across as more confident and attractive.
If you aren’t sure what your top four personal and emotional needs are then take the free Emotional Index Quiz here.