The holidays are a beautiful time to celebrate the people we love. But amidst the hustle and bustle of shopping, cooking, and planning, it’s easy to lose sight of what truly matters—connection. Yes, gifts are wonderful, but they can’t replace the warmth of feeling genuinely loved and seen by your partner. And that’s what this season is really about, right? Showing love in ways that truly land with the people we care about. That’s where understanding love language comes in.
The concept of The Five Love Languages, created by Dr. Gary Chapman, has been a game-changer for understanding how we give and receive love. These love languages—Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch—are like the keys to unlocking deeper connections with our partners. So this holiday season, instead of just focusing on finding the perfect present, let’s talk about how to offer the gift of love in a way that will really resonate.
Here’s how to express each love language in meaningful ways during the holidays.
1. Words of Affirmation: Speak from the Heart
If your partner’s love language is Words of Affirmation, they feel loved when they hear kind, thoughtful words from you. Compliments, encouragement, and expressions of gratitude make their heart sing. This isn’t about flattery—it’s about authentic, heartfelt words that let them know how much they mean to you. Write them a love letter. There’s something magical about receiving a handwritten note. Take some time to reflect on what you genuinely appreciate about your partner and put it into words. It doesn’t have to be Shakespeare—just from the heart.
Shower them with compliments: Whether it’s telling them how amazing they look in their holiday sweater or how much you admire the way they support their family, words of praise go a long way for someone who craves verbal affirmation.
Make a toast: If you’re gathering with family or friends, take a moment to raise your glass and acknowledge your partner. Even a few words of appreciation in front of others can make them feel incredibly valued.
Holiday Tip: Don’t just say “I love you”—explain why. Be specific, be personal, and make sure your words come from a place of genuine affection.
2. Acts of Service: Actions Speak Louder Than Words
For someone whose love language is Acts of Service, actions really do speak louder than words. They feel most loved when you show care through thoughtful gestures and acts of kindness. Helping with holiday tasks or doing something that lightens their load can be more meaningful than any gift you could buy.
Help with holiday chores: From setting up the decorations to wrapping gifts or preparing meals, take on a few extra responsibilities to ease their stress. Even the smallest acts—like making their morning coffee—can be incredibly meaningful.
Surprise them with their favorite dish: If there’s a particular holiday food they love, surprise them by making it. The effort and thought you put into doing something just for them will speak volumes.
Create a cozy, relaxing day for them: If the holiday season tends to overwhelm your partner, create a space for them to unwind. Maybe it’s running a bubble bath, putting on their favorite holiday movie, and taking care of all the little things so they can truly relax.
Holiday Tip: It’s not about grand gestures. The key is to notice what would make their life easier or bring them joy, and do it. The small things add up.
3. Receiving Gifts: Thoughtfulness Over Expense
If your partner’s love language is Receiving Gifts, don’t worry—it’s not about materialism. For them, gifts are a way of showing love and appreciation. But the key is to focus on thoughtfulness, not the price tag. What matters is that the gift reflects something personal and meaningful.
Personalize it: A gift that’s personalized—like an engraved piece of jewelry, a custom piece of art, or something that represents a shared memory— shows that you’ve put thought into what they’d truly cherish.
Memory-focused gifts: Gifts that represent a special moment or memory can be incredibly touching. It could be as simple as framing a photo of a special trip you took together, or giving them something that reminds them of an inside joke or shared experience.
Plan an experience: If your partner values experiences over things, consider giving them the gift of time together. It could be tickets to a concert, a day trip, or a special activity that they’ve been wanting to try. These kinds of gifts create memories that last long beyond the holidays.
Holiday Tip: Pay attention throughout the year to little hints they might drop about what they love or would enjoy. It’s the thought and personal connection behind the gift that makes it special.
4. Quality Time: Be Fully Present
If your partner’s love language is Quality Time, the best gift you can give them is your undivided attention. It’s not about being in the same room together—it’s about being truly present, focused, and engaged in the moment.
Create holiday traditions together: Whether it’s something as simple as baking cookies or going on a holiday lights walk, start (or continue) traditions that you both enjoy. These moments together will be cherished long after the season is over.
Plan a special date: Whether it’s a fancy holiday dinner or a quiet night watching Christmas movies in your pajamas, make time to just be together. The key is to be fully engaged—no phones, no distractions.
Unplug and connect: In the midst of all the holiday chaos, schedule a night where it’s just the two of you. No interruptions, no phones—just time to talk, laugh, and enjoy each other’s company.
Holiday Tip: Being present is the greatest gift you can give someone who values Quality Time. Set aside distractions and just enjoy each other’s company.
5. Physical Touch: Little Gestures of Affection
For someone whose love language is Physical Touch, affection isn’t just appreciated—it’s essential. From holding hands to a warm hug, these small gestures help them feel secure and loved.
Snuggle up: Whether you’re watching a holiday movie or sitting by the fire, make an effort to hold hands, cuddle, or sit close. These little moments of touch are deeply meaningful for someone who craves physical affection.
Give a massage: After a long day of holiday prep, offer to give your partner a back rub or foot massage. It’s a thoughtful way to show care and affection through touch.
Hug them often: Sometimes, just a long, meaningful hug can say more than words ever could. Don’t underestimate the power of a good hug to make someone feel loved and appreciated.
Holiday Tip: Physical touch doesn’t have to be grand. Small gestures, like holding their hand when walking together or giving them a kiss on the forehead, can make a huge difference for someone whose love language is touch.
Use Love Languages Throughout the Holidays
Love isn’t about what’s under the tree (although I do love a big pile of presents!). It’s about the ways we show up for the people we care about. Understanding your partner’s love language can make all the difference in how you connect with them, not just during the holidays, but every day. Thoughtful words, little acts of service, thoughtful gifts, affectionate touches. The real gift is showing your partner you see them and care in a way that matters most to them.
Here’s to a holiday season filled with plenty of love, laughter and hugs!
If you’re looking for more ways to strengthen your relationships and deepen your connections, check out my Coach Yourself to Success Course. You’ll find tools and strategies for building more fulfilling relationships.
