Before you can have whatever you want, you have to be willing to allow yourself to have it. Think of something you really wanted in the past. Perhaps this is a particular job, an award, a material possession, or a sum of money. You might have had the thought, “I want this, but I can’t have it.” The reality then was based on the underlying belief, “I can’t have it.“ So, of course you didn’t get it.
When you make the shift to thinking, “I can have it,” “How can I have it?” or even, “I do have it,” then you will receive it. Your thoughts are extremely powerful and manifest themselves in your reality. If you want to see what people think about themselves, just look at their lives. You attract what you think you deserve.
When my client, Joanne, wanted to leave her career in insurance to start her own consulting business full time, she thought it would be nice to leave with a severance package from her company, which had recently merged. Joanne asked her supervisor and was informed that there was no chance of that happening. If she wanted to get a severance package, she’d need to work on a merger team for 18 months before she would be eligible. Her supervisor was very pessimistic about her chances of receiving any severance. As a result, so was she. Then she heard through the grapevine that another good employee had quietly left the company for “personal reasons” and was given a severance package. Suddenly her thinking changed. If that employee could do it, so could she. From then on, severance was a definite possibility.
Joanne made the shift from wanting to having it. With this newfound belief, her actions changed. She told her boss’s manager who needed to reduce headcount by 400 people that she would like to get the severance. Two months later, after he realized she was serious about leaving, he gave her the severance along with a host of other benefits. If she hadn’t changed her belief, then she would not have been so persistent. And she certainly wouldn’t have taken the risk to go over her manager’s head to speak to the big boss about it!
Your reality is simply a reflection of your thoughts. The more you are willing to allow yourself to have, the more you will have. Usually you have to believe you can have it before it will become a reality.
Peter, a struggling actor in New York, was frustrated because he was living in a dingy apartment far from the center of town and hated it. All his friends were living in a more chic and expensive area. He very much wanted an apartment in a better location but was convinced that he would never be able to find anything within his modest budget. I told him that if he believed that was true, then he certainly wouldn’t find anything.
His life coaching assignment was to write down a detailed description of his ideal apartment, including how much he would pay in rent. He wanted a studio apartment in the West Village with a garden in the back, no roommate, quiet neighbors, lots of sunlight, and close to the gym. The going rate for such an apartment was much higher than Peter’s budget. So, it would have been natural to assume this was a fool’s errand.
I told Peter to keep his ideal in mind and visualize himself living in and enjoying the apartment. Within three weeks he had found the impossible. A friend of a friend had a sublet to rent at the low end of Peter’s budget—a garden studio in the West Village within walking distance to the gym. It even had an exposed brick wall and was charming and sunny. Peter was thrilled. He loves his new apartment and still can’t believe his luck.
Your thoughts determine your actions, which determine your results. Easy to say, but you are probably wondering how on earth you change your thoughts. I’ll share that in an upcoming blog. But if you can’t wait, then buy a copy of Coach Yourself to Success today. You’ll find 100 more tips to help you effortlessly attract what you want.
Tip 91 excerpted from Coach Yourself to Success: 101 Tips to Accomplish Your Personal and Professional Goals