If you’re over 60 (or honestly, any age) and feeling discouraged about finding “The One,” I want to offer you a different path, one that has brought me (and many of my clients) tremendous joy: stop looking for love and start looking for friends instead.
Yes, really.
The Myth of “Finding Love” at Any Age
We’ve all heard the advice: “You’ll meet someone when you least expect it.” Or, “Don’t worry, there’s someone out there for you.” But for many, especially those of us past 50 or 60, this kind of advice can feel hollow or even disheartening. Our culture places too much emphasis on romantic relationships as the primary source of happiness.
I’ve seen this over and over again—in my own life and in the lives of my clients. The truth is, friendship is the real foundation for a joyful, fulfilling life.
That doesn’t mean romantic love isn’t wonderful. It is. But it isn’t the only path to happiness, nor is it the most reliable one. Friendships endure. They enrich your life daily. And interestingly, when you focus on building strong, joyful friendships, love often shows up along the way when you’re no longer chasing it.
Why Friendships Matter More Than Romance (Especially Now)
There’s something deeply freeing about letting go of the pressure to find a partner. When you shift your focus from looking for love to building authentic friendships, something magical happens:
- You feel more connected, supported, and energized.
- You expand your social circles, which introduces you to new people.
- You free yourself from the emotional rollercoaster of dating and the fear of being alone.
Friendships, especially later in life, offer companionship without pressure, laughter without expectations, and unconditional acceptance.
One client, Mary, came to me at 62 after years of frustrating dating experiences. We shifted her focus entirely from looking for love to building friendships. Within months, her social life blossomed. She was happier, more active, and wouldn’t you know—it was through one of those friends that she met a wonderful man. But by then, the focus wasn’t on finding him. It was on living fully and enjoying her life.
On the other hand, a friend of mine went on a speed dating experience as a dare and met a lovely man and they are now travelling the world together. She couldn’t be happier. So it doesn’t mean you have to stop doing dating events, but if that isn’t working for you, build up your friendships instead. Let’s face it, relationships come and go, but true friends will stick with you throughout your life. As a bonus, research is now showing that having a strong social life is the primary indicator for longevity. It appears that good friends really do make life worth living.
How to Build Meaningful Friendships at Any Age
You might be wondering: But how do I actually do this? How do I make new friends, especially later in life? It’s a fair question. It can feel daunting, especially if you’ve let some of your old friendships drift. But I’ve seen what works, and you can absolutely do this.
1. Follow Your Joy: Do what makes you happy, and the right people will find you. Whether it’s hiking, painting, volunteering, or joining a book club, shared interests create natural bonds. I joined a yoga class not long ago, not because I was looking for new friends, but because I wanted to feel better in my body. What I didn’t expect was the wonderful group of friends I made along the way.
2. Be the One to Reach Out: Don’t sit back and wait for invitations. Be the one who says, “Would you like to grab coffee?” or “Want to come along to this event?” Many people are just as eager for connection, but are waiting for someone else to take the first step.
3. Nurture the Connections You Already Have: Reaching out to old friends, neighbors, or former colleagues can often rekindle warm connections that bring new joy into your life.
The Surprising Link Between Friendships and Love
Many of the happiest romantic relationships begin as friendships. When you stop looking for love and focus on living fully, you create the kind of positive energy that naturally draws people to you. Attraction isn’t just about appearance—it’s about vibrancy. When you’re living fully, you shine. And often, your friends will introduce you to people who align with your energy.
Overcoming Loneliness Without Desperation
If you’re feeling lonely and not sure where to begin, start small. Attend a class, volunteer, or simply say hello to someone new. One small step can change everything. And please, be gentle with yourself. Building new friendships takes time, but it’s absolutely possible. Every new relationship begins with a single moment of connection.
What If You’re Happy Without Romance?
I also want to say this: you don’t need a romantic partner to have a full, joyful life. Some of my happiest clients have built rich, beautiful lives filled with friends, family, and personal passions, without a romantic relationship at all. You get to define what happiness looks like for you.
Take the Next Step: Design the Life You Really Want
So what’s next for you?
- Start creating the relationships, friendships, and life you truly want by joining the Coach Yourself to Success Online Course.
- Dive deeper into understanding your emotional needs with my Raise Your Emotional IQ Course.
- And if you’d love to explore the principles of attraction further, grab a copy of my book, The Secret Laws of Attraction, where I share how small shifts in focus can bring about big changes in your life.
Your new life—and your new friendships—are waiting for you.
