Is it time to let go of him? Letting go of someone you’ve loved for years—especially after two decades of marriage—is one of the most challenging experiences anyone can go through. I know this all too well because I’ve lived it. After 20 years of marriage, my husband decided he wanted a divorce. It was a decision that blindsided me and left me reeling with a mix of disbelief, grief, and fear of what the future would hold. It felt like my world had crumbled. I wondered how I could possibly let go after sharing so much of my life with him.
The pain was intense, but I also knew that holding on to someone who no longer wanted to be in the relationship would only prolong my suffering. So, I made the decision to let go of him—not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. This wasn’t easy. I had to confront my fears of being alone, my insecurities, and the memories that kept pulling me back. But through this journey, I discovered powerful and sometimes unconventional ways to heal and move forward. And as a life coach, I’ve had the privilege of guiding my clients through similar journeys. I’ve helped them to let go of their past relationships and embrace a future filled with hope and possibilities.
My Personal Journey: Letting Go After 20 Years
The first step in letting go of him was to accept the reality of the situation. This meant acknowledging that our marriage was over. Holding on to the past would only prevent me from healing. I allowed myself to grieve—really grieve—for the life I thought we would continue to have together. It’s important to feel your emotions fully, whether that’s sadness, anger, or even relief. Suppressing these emotions only prolongs the healing process.
One of the most powerful techniques I used was the cord-cutting visualization. I would sit quietly and imagine any energetic ties or “cords” connecting me to my ex-husband. In my mind’s eye, I saw these cords extending from me to him. Then, I visualized myself gently cutting these cords with a pair of scissors, symbolizing the release of emotional and energetic attachments. Afterward, I imagined healing light filling the places where the cords were attached, bringing me a sense of closure and peace. This visualization helped me sever those lingering emotional connections, making it easier to let go of him.
I also found it essential to create a new routine that didn’t revolve around my ex-husband. I started spending more time on activities I loved, like hiking and painting. These were things I had neglected during the marriage, and reconnecting with them helped me rebuild my identity outside of being a wife. I learned to enjoy my own company again, which was a crucial step in letting go of him and rediscovering who I was as an individual.
Another technique that proved invaluable was letter writing—but with a twist. I wrote a letter to my ex-husband, pouring out every thought and emotion I was feeling. I wrote about my anger, my sadness, and my hopes for the future. But instead of sending the letter, I used a ritual to let it go. I tore it up and buried the pieces in the garden, symbolizing the release of those pent-up emotions and the start of moving on.
A Client’s Story: Finding Strength After Divorce
One of my clients, Sarah, faced a similar challenge when her marriage of 15 years ended in divorce. She was devastated, feeling lost and unsure of how to move forward. Like many of us, she was stuck in a loop of “what-if” and “if-only,” replaying the relationship in her mind and questioning what went wrong. She felt paralyzed, unable to let go of him and the dreams they had built together.
When Sarah came to me, we began by focusing on acceptance. I encouraged her to acknowledge the end of the marriage and to understand that this didn’t mean she had failed. Sometimes, relationships run their course, and it’s okay to let go of him and the life they shared. We worked on shifting her perspective from one of loss to one of opportunity—an opportunity to rediscover herself and create a new chapter in her life.
I introduced Sarah to the idea of creating a “Goodbye” ritual. Together, we designed a personal ceremony where she wrote down all the things she wanted to release—resentment, anger, and any lingering attachment to her ex-husband. Then, she symbolically released these feelings by lighting the paper on fire and watching the smoke carry them away. This ritual gave her a tangible sense of closure and a powerful way to let go of him.
Another key step was decluttering her space. We don’t often realize how much our physical environment can hold us back. Sarah went through her home and removed items that reminded her of her ex-husband—gifts, photos, even pieces of furniture they had chosen together. She then rearranged her space, making it truly her own. This not only helped her create a new, more positive environment but also symbolized her readiness to let go of him and move forward.
To strengthen her commitment, I suggested Sarah create a “No Contact” contract with herself. She wrote out a contract promising not to contact her ex-husband for 60 days. The contract included what she would do if she felt the urge to reach out, like calling a friend or going for a walk. Writing and signing this contract made her decision concrete, and it provided her with a clear structure to follow.
Practical Steps to Let Go of Him and Move Forward
Acceptance: The first and most important step is to accept the reality of the breakup. This doesn’t mean you have to like it, but acknowledging that the relationship is over allows you to begin the healing process. Denial will only keep you stuck in a place of pain.
Cord-Cutting Visualization: Use this powerful visualization to sever any lingering emotional or energetic ties to your ex. Imagine cutting the cords that connect you, and fill those spaces with healing light.
Create a “Goodbye” Ritual: Design a personal ritual to say goodbye to the relationship. Whether it’s releasing a balloon, burning a letter, or planting a new tree, create a physical representation of your decision to let go.
Declutter Your Space: Cleanse your environment of items that remind you of your ex. Reclaim your space as your own to create an environment that reflects your new life.
Letter Writing (and Not Sending): Write a heartfelt letter to your ex, expressing all your emotions. Then, use a ritual to let it go—burn it, tear it up, or bury it. This helps release your pent-up emotions.
Create a “No Contact” Contract: Write a contract with yourself committing to a period of no contact with your ex. Include steps you’ll take if you feel the urge to reach out. This solidifies your decision to move on.
Reframe Your Relationship in a Positive Light: Focus on what you gained from the relationship rather than what you lost. Acknowledge the lessons and growth that came from the experience.
Moving Forward with Strength
Letting go, especially after a long-term relationship, is never easy. It requires courage, patience, and a commitment to your own well-being. But as I’ve seen in my own life and in the lives of my clients, it is absolutely possible. By taking practical steps like using cord-cutting visualizations, creating personal rituals, and reclaiming your physical space, you can heal and move forward after a breakup. Remember, letting go isn’t about forgetting the past; it’s about embracing the future—one that is filled with endless possibilities for happiness and fulfillment.
If you’re in a place where you need to let go of him, know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to grieve, to feel lost, and to be unsure of what comes next. But with time, support, and self-compassion, you will find your way through this. And when you do, you’ll emerge stronger, more resilient, and ready to embrace the beautiful life that awaits you.
