Have you ever wondered: “Is my relationship normal?” Are you fighting too much or is this what all couples do? What are the key characteristics of happy couples?

As a life coach one of the areas I work on with clients is building stronger relationships, both personally and professionally. Life coaching can help our clients form stronger, healthier connections with friends, family, colleagues, and of course, your spouse or partner.

In this blog, I’ll share five key characteristics of successful couples. By understanding the characteristics of happy couples, you can build a healthy and strong relationship and a fulfilling partnership that stands the test of time.

Love is complex, but it relies on five essential qualities. Successful couples prioritize effective communication, emotional support, shared values, healthy conflict resolution, and quality time together. These key characteristics form the foundation of a strong and fulfilling relationship. When couples actively practice and cultivate these qualities, they foster a deep connection, mutual understanding, and long-term happiness.

The 5 Key Characteristics of Happy Couples

Understanding the key characteristics that contribute to relationship success is vital. By focusing on and developing these 5 key qualities, you can create a solid foundation for a fulfilling and lasting partnership. Let’s dive into the five key characteristics that successful couples embody:

1. Effective Communication

Clear and open communication forms the backbone of any healthy relationship requiring active listening, expressing thoughts and feelings honestly, and fostering a safe space for both partners to share without judgment. By prioritizing effective communication, couples can navigate challenges, resolve conflicts, and deepen their understanding of each other. Learning how to fight effectively is also one of the keys to a long-lasting relationship. It isn’t that happy couples avoid fights, quite the contrary. The difference is that they have learned how to express their disagreements and concerns in a productive way without damaging the relationship.

Steps to Be a Better Communicator:

Practice active listening: Give your full attention to your partner when they are speaking, and truly listen without interrupting or formulating a response in your mind.

Use “I” statements: Express your thoughts and feelings using “I” statements to avoid blaming or criticizing your partner. For example, say “I feel” instead of “You always” or “You never.”

The 10-10-10 Method: Set aside dedicated time once a week to have open and honest conversations about your relationship, the kids or any area of concern. Discuss your needs, concerns, and desires, ensuring that you’re on the same page. A simple way to do this is to pick one area you want to discuss with your partner. Set a timer for 10 minutes and speak about your concerns. Then stop when the alarm goes off and now your partner will have 10 minutes to speak about the issue.

Take a ten-minute break before resuming the conversation again. This 10-10-10 Method ensures that you can say what you need to say while your mate listens. While listening, don’t even nod in agreement or frown in disagreement. Just stay neutral and listen fully. This technique ensures each party gets equal air time and also time for a break to think about things which give you time to absorb what your partner is saying. 

Reflective Listening Exercise: Partners take turns sharing their thoughts and feelings while the other actively listens. The listener then paraphrases or summarizes what they heard to ensure understanding.

 

2. Emotional Support

Supporting your partner emotionally is one of the most crucial characteristics of happy couples. It entails being there for each other through both joys and hardships, offering empathy, validation, and reassurance. By creating a safe and nurturing environment, you foster trust, intimacy, and a sense of emotional security within your relationship. So how do you show your support?

Show empathy: Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to understand their perspective. Validate their feelings and provide reassurance during challenging times. For example, instead of getting defensive and jumping in with your side of the story, you could simply say, “I’m sorry that you feel that way.”

Be attentive to your partner’s needs: Pay attention to your partner’s emotional well-being and offer support when they need it. Offer a listening ear, comforting gestures, or words of encouragement. If you aren’t sure what your own needs or your partner’s needs are, you can take the free Emotional Index Quiz to find out your top four personal and emotional needs.

Empathy Building Exercise: Share a personal story or experiences where you felt understood and supported by someone. What specific actions did they take or words did they use that made you feel they really understood you? Everyone had different emotional needs so what works for one person may not work for another, even if you have the same needs. You might like to be comforted by being held tenderly while your partner may want you to use a phrase, such as, “I understand.”

Daily Check-In: Set aside a specific time each day to ask each other about their day, actively listen, and provide emotional support as needed. It helps to put your phones away so you can give your partner undivided attention.

3. Shared Values

Shared values provide a sense of alignment and purpose in a relationship. When partners share core beliefs, life goals, and priorities, it strengthens the connection and creates a sense of unity. It allows for mutual support, shared experiences, and the ability to navigate life’s challenges together, fostering a deep sense of companionship.

Explore common interests: Engage in activities that you both enjoy and share new experiences together. This strengthens your connection and allows you to create lasting memories.

Align on short and long-term goals: Discuss your aspirations and life plans, and find areas where your goals align. This helps you work together towards a shared future. Collaboratively establish short-term and long-term goals as a couple, considering each partner’s aspirations. This could be a Bucket List you create with things you both want to do. 

Values Exploration Exercise:  Individually list the top values and then compare and discuss their lists. Identify values that align and discuss ways to incorporate them into daily life and decision-making.

4. Healthy Conflict Resolution

Conflicts are inevitable in any relationship, but how they are handled makes all the difference. Successful couples prioritize healthy conflict resolution, seeking compromise, and avoiding destructive behaviors such as blame or defensiveness. By practicing active listening, empathy, and finding win-win solutions, couples can resolve conflicts constructively, leading to greater understanding and growth. Below are some strategies for resolving conflicts. (Also see this great book on negotiation “Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In.”)

Win-Win Problem-Solving: Partners identify a specific issue and work together to find a solution that meets both of their needs. Focus on understanding each other’s perspectives and finding a compromise that satisfies both parties.

Time-Out Technique: When conflicts escalate, partners agree on a signal or safe word that indicates the need for a short break. During this break, you might take a walk to get some fresh air, pound a pillow, do a short meditation, or take a few deep breaths. Once you’ve calmed down you can return to the discussion open to resolution.

Practice active problem-solving: Instead of focusing on who is right or wrong, shift the focus to finding solutions that benefit both partners—brainstorm on out-of-the-box solutions until you come up with something you can both agree to. 

Take breaks when needed: If tensions rise during a conflict, take a 10-minute break to cool down and gather your thoughts. Return to the discussion with a calmer mindset and a willingness to find a resolution. If you need more time, just let your partner know you aren’t ready yet.

5. Quality Time and Intimacy

The last of the 5 key characteristics of happy couples is about devoting quality time to one another. Find an engaging activity you share together to maintain a strong bond, whether that is taking a course together to learn something new or taking on a challenge, like a 5-K run for charity. Just make sure you are on the same team so you aren’t competing against each other!

Prioritize time together: Set aside regular date nights or quality time where you can connect and bond without distractions from kids or work or devices.  Finding activities that you enjoy doing together can strengthen your emotional and physical intimacy. While women can easily bond by talking, men may prefer to bond by doing something together such as working out at the gym together, walking the dog, or tackling a home improvement project with you.

Show affection: Express your love and appreciation through physical touch, kind words, and small gestures. Regularly express affection to maintain a strong emotional connection. Little love notes tucked into a packed lunch on occasion or a suitcase can keep your love alive.

Love Map Exercise: Partners take turns asking each other open-ended questions about their hopes, dreams, and experiences. This exercise promotes deep understanding and emotional connection.

Intimacy Building Activities: Relationships need physical and emotional intimacy, such as cuddling, giving each other massages, sharing compliments, or trying new experiences together. According to the research presented in The Normal Bar, the happiest couples in the world are actually coupling a couple of times a week! If you are the less amorous one in the partnership, the advice is to make a bigger effort on the grounds that your mate can’t really be looking for satisfaction elsewhere!

While incorporating these tips takes time and some thought, these small, daily actions can fuel a relationship that lasts for the long run. It’s essential to communicate openly with your partner, adapt to each other’s needs, and be patient.

If there is an area you are missing or weak in, don’t put it off. Take steps now to make your relationship happier before it’s too late.  By developing these five key characteristics of happy couples, you can create a solid and fulfilling relationship. Long-term relationships require effort, understanding, and ongoing commitment from both partners. Don’t just assume your relationship problems will resolve themselves over time. It is wise to seek couples counseling or therapy before your problems escalate and do permanent damage to the relationship.

 

Recommended resources: 

• The Secret Laws of Attraction by Talane Miedaner
• The Normal Bar by Chrisanna Northrup, Pepper Shwartz, PhD, and James Witte, PhD
• 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage by John Gottman, PhD and Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD
• Raise Your Emotional IQ Course by Talane Miedaner