Getting from grief to gratitude when you’re going through hard times isn’t easy. For example, going through a divorce is one of the most challenging emotional journeys anyone can experience. I know firsthand how difficult it is to maintain a positive mindset when everything feels like it’s falling apart—literally. Recently, as I navigated my own feelings of loss and frustration over my divorce, I noticed more negative events creeping into my life. The roof of my house blew off in a storm. Talk about a metaphor for feeling exposed and vulnerable! It felt like the universe was piling on problem after problem, and I found myself spiraling into more and more negative thinking. Many emotions, but gratitude definitely wasn’t one of them.
But I knew, from years of coaching, that staying stuck in that place would only attract more of the same. Our energy, our vibration, has a direct effect on what we draw into our lives. So, if you’re like me and feeling overwhelmed by grief, anger, or frustration or just feel down in the dumps for whatever reason, here are the steps I took to shift from grief to gratitude and start attracting positive energy again. These steps have made all the difference in turning my life around, and I hope they help you, too.
1. Accept and Acknowledge Your Emotions
First things first: don’t try to push away your feelings. One of the biggest mistakes I made early on in my divorce was trying to stay “positive” by ignoring my grief and anger toward my ex. But suppressing those emotions only made them stronger, simmering under the surface and leaking into other areas of my life. When I snapped at my children in irritation, I knew it wasn’t about them, it was about my own pent-up emotions. Give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling. If you need to cry—cry. If you need to scream into a pillow—do it. The key is to honor your emotions, rather than forcing yourself to be upbeat when you’re not.
This was a game-changer for me. Once I acknowledged the pain and gave myself space to grieve, I could begin moving forward. I allowed myself to write down all the hurt, resentment, and anger I felt about my ex—everything that I hadn’t been able to express. Journaling became a daily ritual where I could dump all the negativity onto paper, clearing it out of my head. Far better to do this on paper than to take it out on those around you.
2. Clear Energy Drains and Set Boundaries
During this time, I also took stock of everything that was draining my energy. The divorce itself was emotionally taxing, but there were plenty of other things in my life dragging me down—like unresolved tasks (taxes!), toxic conversations with certain people, and even clutter in my home. I realized I needed to clear out the mental and emotional drains before I could start attracting better things.
For example, I made the decision to limit conversations with people who weren’t supportive of me during this time. I knew these conversations were keeping me stuck in a negative loop, so I gently set boundaries with those friends and family members. I also tackled a few small tasks that were nagging at me—like clearing out a space in my closet that I’d been avoiding and fixing that leaky faucet in the kitchen. Every small step I took freed up emotional energy. Getting rid of petty annoyances and tolerations is Tip 1 in Coach Yourself to Success. If you are feeling down, this is always a great first step to handle and you’ll immediately get a little positive burst of energy.
3. Shift Your Focus: From What’s Wrong to What’s Right
When you’re going through a traumatic experience like divorce, it’s easy to focus on everything that’s going wrong. And believe me, I was doing plenty of that. I had gotten into the habit of mentally listing all the things that were “failing” in my life, from my marriage to the roof of my house. This created a cycle of negative thinking, which, as I knew from coaching, would only continue to attract more negativity.
What I did to break the cycle was a gratitude practice. I began focusing on the things in my life that were still going right, no matter how small. Each morning, I’d make a list of three things I was grateful for—sometimes it was as simple as having a warm cup of coffee or seeing the sun shine. Slowly, this daily gratitude practice shifted my focus from what I didn’t have (the stability of a marriage, a fully intact roof!) to what I did have—supportive friends, my health, and new opportunities on the horizon.
4. Visualize Positive Outcomes
You can’t attract what you don’t believe in. If you’re stuck in a spiral of negative thinking, it’s difficult to attract the good things you’re longing for because your mindset isn’t aligned with the outcome you want. To start attracting positive energy, I began visualizing what I did want to happen in my life—not just in the distant future, but in the near term.
Each morning after my gratitude practice, I spent five minutes picturing myself in a new, peaceful home (where the roof stayed on!) and seeing myself happy and content. I imagined positive interactions with my ex, where we were both calm and respectful. Even though I wasn’t feeling those things yet, this daily practice helped me shift my mindset from dread to possibility.
5. Release Negative Attachments
This step is easier said than done, but it’s so crucial—especially in a divorce. One of the hardest things for me was releasing the anger and resentment I felt toward my ex. I was holding on to every little slight, every argument, replaying the moments over and over in my head. It was exhausting, and it kept me emotionally tied to the past.
To truly move forward, I knew I had to let go. This didn’t mean I had to forgive everything immediately. But I had to release the attachment to being “right” or needing to prove my ex wrong. I found that when I let go of the mental arguments I was having with him, I felt an enormous sense of relief. And as I released those negative thoughts, space opened up for more peaceful, positive energy to flow in. He even agreed to sit down and go over the interim expenses with me. This is a small, but positive step in the right direction.
6. Take Small Steps Toward Joy
When you’re feeling low, it’s tempting to stay in bed or avoid activities that might lift your spirits. But I found that the quickest way to raise my vibration was to do small things that brought me joy. I started doing things that felt good, even if they seemed trivial. For example, taking a walk in the park, listening to uplifting music, or calling a friend who always made me laugh.
Over time, these small acts of self-care built up, and my vibration started to lift naturally. I didn’t force myself to be happy all the time. But by focusing on little moments of joy, I created more room for positive energy in my life. One of the best things I’ve done is join an A Capella choir. It is so uplifting to sing in harmony in a group.
7. Trust the Process
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is to trust that everything is happening for a reason—even the painful parts. As difficult as this divorce has been, I can already see how it’s helping me grow in ways I never would have imagined. I’m learning how to set even stronger boundaries. I’m learning so much about the divorce process itself, which will make me a much better life coach. I’ll have greater empathy for my clients going through breakups or emotional traumas and losses in the future. I know that the future will be better than ever. And I trust that life will bring me the people and opportunities that are aligned with my highest good. I just need to get through this sticky patch!
If you’re going through something similar, I encourage you to assume that the universe is working in your favor even though things may seem hard now. The seemingly bad things happening right now are not a reflection of your worth or your future. By letting go of this life I’m creating massive amounts of space for something new and better to come. What that future holds, I’m not sure yet. But I have always advised my coaching clients, that the times in our life when our future is unknown are the times of greatest opportunity. The world is your oyster when nothing is certain.
Conclusion: From Grief to Gratitude
Moving through grief to gratitude won’t happen overnight. But with small, intentional steps, you can start to shift your energy and you’ll start to attract positive experiences. It’s not about pretending everything is okay when it’s not. It’s about giving yourself the space to heal, while gently raising your vibration one step at a time.
If you’re ready to dive deeper into shifting your mindset and raising your emotional IQ, I highly recommend checking out the Raise Your Emotional IQ course. This course teaches you how to identify your emotional needs and attract the relationships and opportunities you desire.
You can also explore my book, Coach Yourself to Success, which offers practical tips to help you regain control of your life, even in the toughest times.
