At some point in our lives we may become overly attached to a particular idea, person or thing and what we really need to do is let go. Maybe you really wanted children of your own but discover you cannot have a child. If you let go of the idea of giving birth yourself, you might find adoption is the way forward. Perhaps you live in a big house and refuse to sell it even though it is putting your family under financial pressure? You think all will be perfect if you lose those last 10 pounds, but never seem to get there? Once you are married, everything will be wonderful? Once you have children life will all be great. Once your children have left home things will all be perfect. Once you save a million dollars it will all be easy. Once you retire, then you can really enjoy life. If you are are waiting for something or person or event to happen for your life to turn out, that is an idea you could try letting go of. This is it. This is your life, bumps, warts and all. And it is perfect. Just the way it is. Go back to Week 33 if you don’t believe me.
I recently learned how to catch a monkey. You take a round mesh ball and put a banana in the middle of it. The monkey comes along and sees the banana, sticks in its hand (or is that a paw?) and then can’t get it’s hand our while holding the banana. The monkey won’t let go of the banana either and gets caught, firmly gripping the banana, unwittingly sacrificing its freedom for the sake of a banana. At any point the monkey could simply let go of the banana and run away. Freedom is there for the taking if only the monkey would let go.
What is your big banana? The thing you won’t let go of that keeps you trapped? I had a girlfriend whose husband had a thing for very expensive, new cars. He HAD to drive a really expensive car. This would have been okay except that they couldn’t afford it. His desire to drive a particular car was putting the entire family under financial stress. After a few years he finally realized they truly couldn’t afford such a car and he sold it. They are all much happier as a result.
I had a roommate who was convinced that her life would be perfect if she were married. She was obsessed with having a big white wedding. In the end, she married the first guy who proposed to her, who turned out to be a jerk, and they were divorced before the year was out. At least she had her big white wedding!
One client had a big, ostentatious house in a gated community. She bought the house at the top of the market and it immediately began to lose value. I tried to convince her to sell before she lost all her equity, but she was determined not to lose the $20,000 she had invested and listed the house at a high price. She even went so far as to take a job in another city and live in a hotel with her daughter so that she could continue to make payments on a house she wasn’t living in. There was nothing I could say to convince her to let go. The market continued to drop, she couldn’t sell the house, and she is now in negative equity.
Another client had started a small business, invested heavily in it, and it failed, leaving him $60,000 in debt. He was determined to pay of his debts and not declare bankruptcy. I took a few weeks, but I finally managed to convince him that lots of businesses declare bankruptcy and it isn’t a shameful thing. In fact, the US encourages people to set up businesses and the penalties for failure aren’t dire. (Other countries aren’t so supportive. In Australia you have to give up your passport if you declare bankruptcy!) Many successful people have gone bankrupt once or twice before getting a business that works. Once he let go of the notion that it was wrong to declare bankruptcy, he was free (after working with a good attorney!) to start fresh with a new business idea.
What is your banana? Is there any (thing, person, belief, attitude) you are holding onto unnecessarily that is making your life difficult or stressful? We are often blind to our own limiting beliefs so ask a friend or coach if there is anything they see you could let go of that would reduce your stress. I asked my bookkeeper if she noticed anything unusual or excessive about our personal expenditures. She immediately said that we had massive dining out expenses, but didn’t spend much on clothes. We were going out to dinner twice a week minimum at the time and thought nothing of it. We have now reduced that to once a week. (Hint: lifestyles you cannot comfortably afford, boat, fancy car, big house are all prime candidates!)
Letting go of dining out so much was relatively easy, but my big banana was letting go of my dream house. We have a big, grand home in England and spent years fixing it up. It was always a source of stress for my husband. Not just the big mortgage, but the maintenance of the house itself. It took two hours to mow the lawn so we hired a gardener. It took five hours to clean so we needed a cleaner. It was in the highest tax area. It was old and always needing one repair or another. I finally realized that we needed to downsize and simplify our lives. It hasn’t been easy to downsize (getting rid of half the furniture still wasn’t enough!), but it has all been worth it because my husband is more relaxed and has time to do volunteer work he really enjoys. And, ultimately, we still have the banana but without the stress because we rented out the big house. The rent now pays for the mortgage on both houses so we effectively get to live “rent free” while owning two houses. If you can figure out a way to keep your banana without the stress, all the better. Worth spending some time thinking about…
Homework:
List your “bananas” here:
1.
2.
3.
Ask a friend or family member or your coach, “What could I let go of that would reduce my stress?” and see what they come up with. You might be surprised. Now pick the big one and let it go or figure out how to keep it and be stress free now.
10 Minute Option:
Same as above.
Enjoy your newfound freedom!
Talane
