It is impossible to feel satisified and happy if you feel deprived. Deprivation is the antithesis of satisfaction. My colleague, Cheryl Richardson, has figured out that some common complaints are actually signs of deprivation. In her book, The Art of Extreme Self-Care, she writes:
- When you catch yourself saying things such as, “I never have time to do what I want to do, what you’re really saying is: “I don’t take time for my needs.”
- When you insist, “I always end up doing everything myself,” the truth of what you’re really saying is: “I don’t ask for help.”
- When you hear yourself complaining, “No one appreciates the things I do,” what you most likely mean is: “I take on way too much, hoping that someone will notice and tell me how good I am or how grateful they are.”
- And finally, when you use the excuse, “My kids take up all my time,” what you actually need to admit is: “I’ve chosen to make my children’s needs more of a priority than my own.”
Cheryl then gives an interesting assignment to record exactly where and when your feelings of deprivation or frustration crop up. When I tried this assignment, I knew immediately that the morning school runs with the children were ridiculously stressful. How could such a seemingly simple task become such a massive source of stress? Getting the kids out the door felt like hurding cats. I decided to better organize the morning routine, creating a specific space for the girls’ shoes, coats, book bags, and lunches. Then I asked my husband to help so that I wasn’t doing the school runs every day. We now take turns. We also prepare for the day together. I cook the breakfast while he packs the lunches. I no longer resent my husband since he is now helping with the process. What a benefit!
One working mother, whose husband couldn’t help because of his own work obligations, decided to hire an au pair. The au pair takes the children to and from school as well as cooking them a simple supper. She is so much less stressed and now enjoys her children and has the energy to play with them in the evenings. As a bonus, the au pair is a built in babysitter and for the first time in years she now has regular weekly dates with her spouse, which has brought the fun and joy back into their relationship.
Resentment is like poison and it will create serious damage if you don’t do something about it. Make specific requests and get the help you need.
Homework:
Jot down the following questions inside the cover of a little notebook and put it in your handbag or wherever you can carry it with you. You could write it in your iphone under notes. Whenever you feel overwhelmed, frustrated, burdened, or resentful, stop and ask yourself:
Where do I feel deprived?
What do I need more of right now?
What do I need less of?
What do I want right now?
What am I yearning for?
Who are what is causing me to feel resentful and why?
What am I starving for?
10 Minute Option:
Same as above.
