Given relationships is a hot topic around Valentine’s Day I thought I’d throw in a tip about fighting. My husband and I have not had many fights and partly that is because neither of us are hot-tempered and we both tend to shy away from fights. That withstanding, we still do have the occasional fight. I was recently asked to provide some tips on fighting fair for a women’s magazine and my first thought was to try to prevent the fight from happening in the first place. In other words, why not aim for a fight-free relationship? The first key to that is having a weekly date with your spouse or partner. If you don’t take time away from the house, the kids, etc. and spend some romantic quality time together at least once a week for a few hours then how can you expect to feel romantic about your partner? It will fade! Keep the romance alive with a weekly date. It doesn’t have to be a fancy dinner at an expensive restaurant either. One of our best dates was ordering Chinese to go and having that with a bottle of wine on the beach watching the sun set. Or packing a basket of gourmet goodies and having a picnic. Cheap and creative can often be more fun, especially if you are worried about money these days. The important thing is to try to get out of the house for a change of scene and away from the kids if you have them. This is your time to be a couple!

Second, if you notice that you or your partner is angry for any reason, give them permission to be angry. We will all get angry at one time or another and usually it is over some pretty silly stuff. I remember one of my earliest fights with Paul was whether one should wash or brush mushrooms! Ask your mate how long they need to be angry. This does two things, it gives them the right to be angry and it gives them as much time as they need to cool off. There is no point in having any sort of discussion if one or both of you are heated. Wait until you can cool off and discuss things in a calm voice. Your partner might say, “Give me five minutes.” Or, he or she might say, “I need a few hours.” Then, give them the time they asked for and don’t try to interact or talk to them until they are ready. Try it and you’ll be amazed. My husband laughed the first time I did this and it diffused the tension immediately.

All the best, 
Talane

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