Talane’s Blog of the Week, August 7, 2006

Why we don’t reach our goals…

I was once asked in a magazine interview, why don’t people reach their goals? There are typically two reasons: 1) people pick the wrong goals in the first place; and 2) they lack a sufficient structure for support. So let’s figure it out. How do you pick the right goals?

A client’s husband works 24/7 in a consulting job. He takes work home in the evenings and works every weekend to get a promotion. He finally gets the promotion, but they give him a paltry salary increase to go with his new responsibility. He does some research and comes back to the company with his findings. His new salary is below market and industry standards. They offer no explanation and say this is what they are willing to pay. Period. Needless to say, he isn’t happy.

He decides not to work over the weekend. Why work if you aren’t getting paid? With a whole weekend free, he realizes something important – he has lost touch with his passion in life. He needs a hobby, something other than work he can get excited about. He has no clue how to find it.

I’ve given him a little indirect coaching through his wife. There are a couple of ways to find your passion in life. One simple way is to jot down all the peak experiences and highlights of your entire life. Then take a look and see what the underlying values are. For example, I wrote down the year I lived in Spain and giving my high school graduation speech (terrifying and exciting at once!). The corresponding values: Travel & Adventure and Lead & Inspire. Once I realized how important these values were to me, I began to orient my work around them by leading coaching seminars internationally – meeting my values while working. Ideally, your work would be a full expression of your top values.

Another way to find your passion is to look at what you used to do naturally as a kid. I didn’t remember this, but saw in home movies that I was the little girl smack in the middle of the mud puddle. If there was mud, there I was! What’s the adult version of playing in the mud? For me, it was pottery – there is something incredibly grounding about throwing pots (I’d probably like mud wrestling too). I recently discovered I love gardening (might have something to do with the fact that weeds pull easily out of the damp English soil). As a child I loved spinning on the kitchen stool until I was dizzy. The adult version? Swing and ballroom dancing. I love being spun around by my partner. The more spins, the better.

Whatever you were drawn to as a child is almost guaranteed to resonate with you at a core and elemental level as an adult. My client recalled that as a kid her idea of fun was to follow the cat wherever it went. She is to this day an explorer at heart and loves travelling and seeing new places. What did you do when you were tiny? If you don’t remember, dig out the home movies and ask your parents. If you feel like something is missing in your life, this might be the answer.

All the best,
Talane

P.S. Next week, we’ll talk about that structure for support!